Thursday, November 20, 2008

Urinal "Cakes"?

Why do people insist on associating urinals with edible sweets like cakes and mints? Honestly, it's gross. The last thing I want to think about when I hear the word "urinal" is "mmm. cake." or "mmm. mints." or even "mmm. Jujubes."

Why can't we, instead, refer to those awful smelling, but necessary things as something more innocuous and, preferably, inedible? Like how about "urinal puck"? or "urinal refresher"?


Whatever works.


Friday, October 10, 2008

Election Analogy #1

Here's my take on the election analogy pictures that have been going around lately:

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Spike's Junkyard Dogs -- Original Thayer St. Location to Close

September 28th is going to be a sad, sad day in Providence, RI... It is the day that the original Thayer St. Providence, RI location of Spike's Junkyard Dogs is closing its doors.

No longer will local college students be able to stumble along its chain-link fence partitions after a long night of beruit and flip cup, barely glancing at the menu (because they already know what they want... oh yes, they know...) before ordering a Big Dave's Deluxe, Texas Ranger, and/or a Chilli and Cheddar, then jockying for a space at one of the few booths or stools.

Spike's hot dogs are no ordinary hot dogs... The franks are big, fat, and 100% beef. Now, granted, hot dog franks are generally not terribly healthy for you. But as far as hot dogs go, Spike's is top notch. Their buns weren't your run-of-the-mill, thin, wimpy, buy-em-at-the-supermarket hot dog buns either. They were big, fresh-baked, and delicious.

If you've never had a Spike's dog before, allow me to assist you in comprehending the scope and majesty of the greatness that is Spike's. Imagine the best hot dog you've ever had. Except make it delicious. Then a little more delicious. At that point, your imaginary hot dog is about as tasty as a Spike's dog that's been dropped on the ground and pooped on. That's right. Your hot dog sucks compared to Spike's.

And don't give me this Crif Dog shit either... Eating a Crif Dog is like taking your pet pig (or pitbull) to the prom. You can dress it up any way you'd like, but when it comes down to it, you're still slow dancing with a pig. Eating a Spike's Junkyard Dog is like taking five supermodels to the prom who also happen to be Rhodes Scholars, have worked three years with Peace Corps, Americorps, AND the Marine Corps, and are totally freaky in the bedroom.

The one silver lining in all this is that the other 9 locations are going to remain open... For now. But they can't survive without your support! Go find your nearest Spike's and start eating hot dogs today!! (They even have vegetarian dogs for you non-meat-eaters!)

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Monday, September 08, 2008

Something's Not Quite Right Here...

Apparently, some nutjob broke into the home of 2 Fresno, CA farmworkers yesterday and stole some money.

Why is this so strange? After all, home invasion and theft isn't that uncommon. Ah yes, but 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez is no ordinary burglar. This guy took it upon himself to rub spices on one of the residents and then wacked the other one with an 8-inch sausage before he ran off.

...Yeah, take that one in for a second...

So, not only did this guy break into a house, rub spices on one of the sleeping inhabitants and slap the other guy with an 8-inch long kilbasa, but this dumbass left his wallet in the house! Why? Who knows... probably because he left his pants there as well?? He was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a t-shirt, boxers and socks.


The only one who lucked out is the dog who found the giant piece of sausage after Vazquez chucked it while fleeing the scene.



Friday, August 29, 2008

English for McCain

I was forwarded this link to the McCain store today. If you click "larger photo," you'll get the following picture:

Who needs grammar anyway?


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

New Dragonball Movie: Shaping Up to be LAME

I love Dragonball. I remember reading this comic as a little kid, from tiny little books that were all in Korean. I could barely understand the writing, but I still loved every frame.

Then Dragonball came to American TV. Awesome. A little boring, given the fact that each episode had at least 10 minutes of closeups of various heros/villans grunting and struggling, as if they were trying to have a massive bowel movement. But still, I was a fan.

Then I hear about a new live-action Dragonball movie that's coming out. Aweso-- OH WAIT. Not so awesome. Guess who they decided to cast as the lead character, Goku, in this Japanese manga series, based on a Chinese folk novel, that was popularized all over Asia before coming to the US? Oh of course, they cast some guy named Justin Chatwin. Of course.

Disgrasian posted a great "alternative" movie poster for this film:

This movie is going to suck.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Oh Hayden... You've broken my heart...

Okay. I will readily admit that I am a fan of the show Heroes. Not just because I know Masi Oka (who is a pretty great guy), but also because Hayden Panettiere is on the show.

However, Ms. Panacotta has just broken my heart. How? She put out a music video. And it blows. Some of you may recall my post about Scarlett Johamanason's awful song/video. Well, here we have another example of some girl who is a pretty good actor making a HUGE mistake by putting out a terrible, terrible song. Below is a leaked video for "Wake Up Call." Think "Red Red Wine" meets Hillary Duff meets a whole lot of suck:

NOT ONLY does the song suck, but the content of the lyrics is just atrocious:

I think I'm gonna have to cheat, to finally get your eyes on me? Gonna have to make you jealous...

WTF? Really?? This is the kind of horseshit that girls are supposed to do when their man isn't paying attention to them? Not ONLY should Hayden stick to acting, but for pete's sake, at least put out a song that doesn't encourage girls to play retarded games.

Oh, and also don't put out a song that is awful. Yeah.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Green Energy: It's Coming!

Most of my friends know that I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes the general public's adoption of clean, renewable sources of energy. I just don't think enough people care enough. Or, at least, I used to think that...

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of reports on really cool things people are doing to promote and use alternative sources of energy. It was enough to make me think that maybe, just maybe, we will turn this thing around. A few of the coolest innovations I've seen recently include:

The Sakai City Waterfront Mega Solar Power Generation Plan - Long name, cool project. Sharp and Kansai Electric Power's giant solar energy plant will generate a ton of clean power and reduce CO2 emissions by several bajillion kilotons. Okay, the real numbers can be found in the Sharp press release.

Orange's Green Cell Phone Charging Stations - UK cell phone provider Orange will be setting up these nifty tents at the Glastonbury Festival. Basically, they use wind and solar power to charge people's cell phones. One tent can charge about 100 cell phones per hour. Yay technology! Now I just need one for my house...

The Microfueler - "The EFuel100 MicroFueler™ is the world's first portable ethanol micro-refinery system." In other words, sugar and/or discarded booze goes in, wait about 5-7 days, and useable ethanol comes out. Sure it costs about $10,000 and it won't be available until late 2008. But look at it this way: now you have something to do with all the Larrys people leave at your parties...

Honda's FCX Clarity - The first production car to be powered by hydrogen fuel cells. That's right, we're talking ZERO emissions. Not less, not some... ZERO. 'Nuff said. If you live in Southern California, go get one.

So maybe we will be able to save the planet. Now if we only had some sort of machine that could suck up all that excess greenhouse carbon-dioxide in the atmosphere and turn it into something useful... Like food. Or oxygen... Hmmm...

Monday, June 09, 2008

I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want I Want...

...the new iPhone! I've been waiting to get one of these things for probably 3 years now, ever since the first rumors started surfacing that Apple was developing a phone. I somehow managed to resist buying iPhone v.1... But yeah... I can't wait any longer. I must have it.

The most impressive new functionalities the iThang will feature are 3G and GPS capabilities. Apple also boasts that there will be much improved audio (what that means exactly is yet to be discovered) and great battery life. Otherwise, there are a few cosmetic modifications that just add to the cool factor such as thinner edges, a headphone jack that's flush with the outside edge, a glossy black plastic backing, and solid metal buttons. Though, the new headphone jack has some practical function as well, as it will allow people to use any headphones they want without the annoying adaptors.

AND, they've lowered the price. The 8 GB model will be available for $199 and the 16 GB model will be $299. Hot. And cheap. Hot, cheap buns. I mean, phones.

There are a few catches though. For one, there is no increase in memory, which people were hoping for. However, the most crappy thing is that all us Apple fanboys and fangirls, will have to continue to mop up our saliva until July 11th, when they will finally roll out this beautiful piece of technology. Check out these shots from the Gizmodo coverage of the WWDC:

Will there be pre-orders? I don't know. And I don't care. All I know is, I must have one. I will have one.


Wednesday, June 04, 2008




Monday, June 02, 2008

Repent... Or Else!

You best get your ass to church or else Mike Crain is going to come karate chop your FACE!!

You heard it here first.


Sunday, June 01, 2008

In Case You Were Wondering Which Bus This Is...

I took this shot about a year ago when I was up at Belleayre Mountain. Apparently the driver wanted to make it ABSOLUTELY clear which bus this was.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

Chest Bumps: Definitely Not Presidential Behavior

I mean, let's be honest. At this point, there are few things that Ol' Dubya could do to surprise or disappoint us more. If I saw a picture of President Bush getting a lapdance from a transvestite stripper in a seedy club in Bangkok, honesty, I'd probably just flip over to the Lakers article.

...That being said, here's a little something to make you shake your head (probably not for the last time, mind you). Below is a picture of W chest bumping a new Air Force Academy graduate at the USAF graduation ceremony yesterday in Colorado Springs, CO.

Yep. You can take the boy out of the frathouse. But you can't take the frat out of the boyhouse. I mean, White House. ...I mean. Wait... dammit.

Whatever, Bush is an idiot.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

No, Sue... What The Fuck Are YOU Doing?

Last night on the NBC Nightly News in New York, longtime anchor woman Sue Simmons apparently didn't realize her mic was still on right before they cut to commercial...

[Sorry, looks like NBC has gone around and made everyone take down the clip... But basically, Sue Simmons screamed "What the FUCK are you doing?!" while her mic was on during a live broadcast. It was hilarious.]

Just goes to show... Make sure your mic is off before cursing someone out.

Words to live by.


Monday, May 12, 2008

Do You Suppose She Saw This Coming?

I took this picture on the way to work this morning:

One has to wonder if the owner of that sign saw this coming...


Saturday, May 03, 2008

Scarlett: Stick to Acting, Please.

Most of us know of Scarlett Johansson as that cute, blonde, big bossomed actor in those movies. If anyone was curious to know if she should stick with that or perhaps branch out into some tangentially related, yet practically speaking completely different career, here is proof positive that she SHOULD NOT. I give you, the first video from Scarlett's new album featuring the short blonde one (yes, she's tiny, people) singing a horrible cover of Tom Wait's "Falling Down":

I mean, I had heard some people talking about how bad she was at singing and read a review here and there about it. But man. This really REALLY blows. It's proof, once again, that just because you can act, doesn't mean you can sing. Or vice versa for that matter. It's like the late, great comedian Mitch Hedberg once said, after describing how people ask him to do acting gigs just because they've seen him on stage at a comedy club:
"That's like working really hard your whole life to be a chef and after you finally achieve it, somebody comes and says, 'Great -- can you farm?'"

Maybe Scarlett should try farming...


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Beam Me Up, Stevie...

In case anyone wasn't aware just how big of a dork I am, allow me to geek out for a second about Star Trek...

Ever notice how when people "video chatted" in Star Trek, there was never any visible video camera? People actually could look straight into the monitor and have the person on the other side look straight at them.

Instead of how video chats go now, where each person is looking at his/her screen but the video camera is mounted on the top of their monitor, so it looks like the person on the screen is looking intently at your belly button?

Well... It looks like our friends at Apple have been working on a solution for that for quite some time now, according to a recent article on Apple Insider. may be of some interest to recall an earlier patent filing from Apple for an 'integrated sensing display' capable of serving as both a display screen and a digital camera.

The filing, which predates the iPhone's release by nearly three years, describes a new breed of LCD display that could simultaneously take photos while continuing its role as the primary display screen of an electronics device or computer monitor.

So cool!! How would they accomplish such a feat, you ask? Well...

The idea behind the invention is to wedge thousands of microscopic image sensors between the LCD cells that make up the display, where each sensor would be responsible for capturing a piece of the overall photo. Those pieces would then be stitched together by software to recreate the complete image capture.

The rumor site implied that this new innovation might be implemented on the new 3G iPhones that everyone is waiting for later this year. But, personally, I think Apple would more likely apply this technology to their laptop line first.

I suppose time will tell...


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Still Fighting the Uphill Battle

I read an interesting article about Sessue Hayakawa, who was a huge Hollywood star back about 90 years ago. That's right, a Japanese dude was more famous (and playing less stereotyped roles) in Hollywood in 1920 than the grand majority of Asian actors today. But the thing that kind of got me down was the survey of roles Asian people are playing today, as well as the treatment we still get in the media:

In most Hollywood movies, Asian men are invisible. And those are the better Hollywood movies.

Crude comedies feature men with impenetrable accents. Action films feature stoic heroes, who rarely get a kiss. Stereotypes of bespectacled grinds abound. Japanese characters are particularly forgettable, even though their country's own films are often crammed with kinky sex and violence.

"The Japanese businessman, bowing to everyone in 'Lost in Translation,'" says Ryo Nagasawa, the film program officer at the Japan Society. "I don't think the Hollywood image goes beyond that."


Of course Hollywood films stereotype everyone -- whether it's evil executives or absurdly effeminate gay men. Yet Asian males often come in for rougher treatment -- with crude jokes about dog-eating, or Pidgin English -- than other, long-denigrated minorities.

You can see it even in a current movie like "Be Kind Rewind." A goofy parody of bare-bones filmmaking, it features Jack Black mimicking stars like Jessica Tandy. When he finally goes too far -- smearing on dark makeup to portray Fats Waller -- he's rightly greeted with horror, and taken aside for a stern talking-to.

Yet when he tapes back his eyes to mimic Jackie Chan, the racial buffoonery passes without notice.



Wednesday, March 05, 2008

In Case Anyone Was Still Wondering...

...George W. Bush is just an embarrassment in almost every way.

Yoshi Tsurumi was one of George W. Bush's professors at Harvard Business School. In an article on, Mary Jacoby talks about Tsurumi's experiences teaching our current Presidunce, Mr. Bush. In it, Tsurumi states:

"I don't remember all the students in detail unless I'm prompted by something... But I always remember two types of students. One is the very excellent student, the type as a professor you feel honored to be working with. Someone with strong social values, compassion and intellect -- the very rare person you never forget.

Heh. We know where this is going...

"...And then you remember students like George Bush, those who are totally the opposite."

Yeah... Pretty much. It gets much better. Want more? Check out the article here.


Friday, February 22, 2008

George F. Will on Experience

Washington Post columnist George F. Will had this to say regarding "experience" in yesterday's Post:

Nothing, however, will assuage Clinton supporters' sense of injustice if the upstart Obama supplants her. Their, and her, sense of entitlement is encapsulated in her constant invocations of her "35 years" of "experience." Well.

She is 60. She left Yale Law School at age 25. Evidently she considers everything she has done since school, from her years at Little Rock's Rose Law Firm to her good fortune with cattle futures, as presidentially relevant experience.

The president who came to office with the most glittering array of experiences had served 10 years in the House of Representatives, then became minister to Russia, then served 10 years in the Senate, then four years as secretary of state (during a war that enlarged the nation by 33 percent), then was minister to Britain. Then, in 1856, James Buchanan was elected president and in just one term secured a strong claim to being ranked as America's worst president. Abraham Lincoln, the inexperienced former one-term congressman, had an easy act to follow.



Wednesday, February 20, 2008

You Like-a The Vergina?

I recently discovered this beer during a trip to Chicago:

No, this isn't a joke. And yes, it's a beer called "Vergina." I found it at this Greek restaurant. It was the only Greek beer they had on the menu, so my friends and I figured, why not? It wasn't a bad beer either. But the waiter kept coming over and asking us, in a mildly creepy, dead-pan tone, "So... You guys like-a the Vergina? Eh?" To which, we hesitantly replied, "Y...Yes. Yes we do."

The best part is that, according to their website, they also have a variation of the beer called "Vergina Red." I'll let you mull that one over on your own...

Vergina is apparently also a small northern town in Greece. Who knew?


Monday, February 18, 2008

"The Dumbing of America"

Recently, Susan Jacoby wrote an amazing (and frightening) opinion piece for the Washington Post called "The Dumbing of America." In it, she discusses how, as a nation, we've become, well, stupider.

She first recounts one of Franklin D. Roosevelt's radio addresses (or "fireside chats") during which he took the time to explain to the American people why our troops were doing so poorly in the Pacific. One of the main difficulties stemmed from the long distances over which the supplies had to travel in order to reach the front lines. So FDR actually asked people to take out a map (!) so that they could really understand just how far the supplies had to go. He reasoned that if people actually comprehended the situation, they'd be much more understanding of it. Not a bad thought. Oh, and not only did 80 percent of Americans tuned in to hear the president, but maps sold out in stores across the country.

Jacoby makes the point that we live in a very different time with very different attitudes towards learning and knowledge. She then goes on to cite some very frightening statistics:

According to a 2006 survey by National Geographic-Roper, nearly half of Americans between ages 18 and 24 do not think it necessary to know the location of other countries in which important news is being made. More than a third consider it "not at all important" to know a foreign language, and only 14 percent consider it "very important."

Are you freaking kidding me?! Look, it's one thing if your Middle Eastern/African/Asian geography is a little foggy. I'll readily admit mine is. But to think that it's not necessary to know? And furthermore, to think that knowledge of a foreign language isn't important at all? Wow. Just... Wow.

That part of her article actually reminded me of an old gripe I had. In the midst of all the turmoil surrounding 9/11, many musicians wrote and released songs with inspirational themes. However, one song called "Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)" by Alan Jackson always rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, most of it was about being close with your family and loved ones during such a horrible time. But the first few lines of the chorus always made me scratch my head a little:

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Now, I realize that these lyrics don't necessary actively condone ignorance and stupidity. From what I can tell, he's saying that so long as you have faith, hope and love, you're all good... Even if you're an idiot and don't know any world geography. I can just imagine millions of Americans thinking, "Gee, that Alan Jackson is right... I don't know what them A-rabs are all about, but as long as I got faith and hope and love, everything is okay!" This song, while mostly about treasuring time with loved ones and honoring those that had died, is tinged (tainted, even) with xenophobia and ignorance. In a situation like that, you can have all the faith, love and hope in the world, but it isn't going to do shit to change anything if you're a dumbass... Not for the better, anyway. People like Alan Jackson are the same kind of people that, if we ever got into a war with North Korea, would be saying, "North Korea? South Korea? China? Japan? Whatever! Fuck 'em all! They all look the same and speak that ching-chong stuff!" Bah. But I digress...

Anyway, Jocoby then describes another factor behind what she calls "the new American dumbness." That is, the fact that not only do Americans not know shit about anything, but we think that it's totally fine that we don't know shit about anything. Think she's exaggerating?

...consider the one in five American adults who, according to the National Science Foundation, thinks the sun revolves around the Earth.

Yeah. We're fucking dumb.

Lastly, she notes that there is no quick fix for this kind of "arrogant anti-rationalism and anti-intellectualism," and that training students to give "specific answers to specific questions of specific tests" just isn't the answer. She's absolutely right. Standardized tests are useful for some things. But when it comes to actually educating children, they really don't do shit... And neither, by the way, does training for them. I've seen first-hand how insistence on applying the same standard to all students discriminates against those that are below the curve because they are spending too much time trying to pass some fucking test instead of learning subjects and skills they really need. And those that are above the curve, well, most of them just don't need to try all that hard to pass, so they do what they need to do to get by and don't bother pushing themselves any harder.

It's a difficult situation, educating all the young'uns. Individualization of educational plans is probably the way to maximize the amount of benefit American children can derive from school. Of course, this puts an immense burden on the school systems and the teachers. But with the help of technology, these things are actually possible. I recently met a guy named Michael Horn who's writing a book called "Disrupting Class: How Disruptive Innovation Will Change the Way the World Learns." As you can guess, it's about how disruptive innovation can be applied to education. I'm trying to figure out the name of the book because it just got released recently. But I think with the aid of online courses and further integration of computers/technology in classrooms and lesson plans, it will eventually be possible to tailor educational plans to each student so that perhaps the next generation of Americans, at least, will be able to tell the difference between Iraq and Iran.

...Or whatever countries we happen to be angry at.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Evermore: Never Let You Go

I don't see very many music videos these days. And those that I see are generally pretty lame or totally devoid of original creative thought.

This one, however, is fun, creative, funny, weird, and surprisingly moving. Check it out.

The use of babies towards the end is probably my favorite part.

...And the shot of the cute little fox (or whatever furry little animal that is).


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Crazy Subway Person #3: Stair Stopper

Okay, this CSP doesn't reference a specific encounter I've had in the subway, but rather several separate experiences I've had with the same phenomenon. That is, people who stop on the stairs in subway stations to look around, check their watch, make a phone call, etc etc.

For instance, when I was coming out of the 14th Street subway station the other day, in a rush to get to work, the lady I was following reached the top of the stairs at the exit and simply stopped moving. Would it have killed her to stop, oh I dunno, TWO STEPS further away from the stairs to allow me, and the horde of rush-hour workers behind me, to get by?

So, if you're going up or down a set of subway stairs, PLEASE do not stop until you have cleared the landing by at least a few steps to let the people behind you get by!!



Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Please Make: Taller Water Coolers

Could someone out there PLEASE make a water cooler where the spout isn't by your freakin' knees?! I understand that if you simply made a traditional water cooler taller, it'd be much harder to put the water jugs on top of it.

But it really woudn't be that difficult to use the water pressure from those giant water jugs to force the water up a tube and into a cooling reservoir that's around chest height, thereby eliminating the need to make the actual contraption any taller.

Thank you.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Ghostface Isn't Pleased

Sales of Ghostface Killah's new album, Big Doe Rehab, apparently haven't been doing so well. In fact, they were so disappointing that Mr. Killah decided to address his fans in a video message. In it, he basically scolds the people who downloaded pirated copies of the album, saying at one point: "I thought y'all motherfuckers loved me, man."

I thought so too, Mr. Killah. I thought so too.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Worse Korean Restaurant Name Ever

Now, I'm all for the spread of Korean culture into mainstream American society. Especially when it comes to Korean food. I love Korean food like a fat kid loves, well, Korean food. And I love it that K-town in New York is slowly expanding outward past the boundaries of West 32nd between 5th and Broadway.

HOWever... I'm just dumbfounded as to how this particular restaurant actually came into being. That is, the new Korean-themed Chop Suey that has just opened up in Times Square on the second floor of the Renaissance Hotel by Mr. Zak Pelaccio. CHOP SUEY?! You've got to be fucking kidding me. These retards couldn't think of a better name than that?? What the fuck does chop suey have to do with Korean food? That shit is CHINESE, dumbasses. But, then again, I suppose if we all look the same, our foods and cultures are probably the same too, huh? Assholes.

And just for reference, Wikipedia descibes the actual meaning of chop suey as such:

Generally, however, the name "chop suey" or "za sui", when used in Chinese, has the entirely different meaning of cooked animal offal or entrails.

I wish I could've been present at the meetings where the name was decided. I imagine their short list of potential names looked something like this:

- All Taste Same
- The Gourmet Gook
- Me So Solly's Sizzling BBQ
- The Chink House
- Puppy Chow
- Yellowman Meat Emporium
- Chinkity Chong-Chong Ching Chong Food

Hm. Come to think of it, perhaps Chop Suey wasn't the worst choice.

What a crock. I hope that restaurant fucking crashes and burns.


UPDATE: I took a glance at the latest online Zagat user reviews. Most of them are negative or mediocre. Ha!