Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Bizzaro Me

So during my freshman year, me and my friends started noticing we all had doppelgangers around campus. Except we called them "bizzaro's" (anyone catch the reference? Think Superman...) Anyhow, almost all of my friends had bizzaro's... Some of the resemblances were astoundingly uncanny.

One day, one of my friends told me that he said hi to some guy who looked exactly like me. He had found my bizzaro. I kept hearing about this look-alike, but never saw him myself. Some of this guy's friends mistook me for him... One went so far as to whack me in the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper and shout "hey, what's up man??" When I just stared at him in shock (and awe) he then commented "whoa, when did you get braces?" (I had braces back then... Yes, yes, laugh it up). It took him a good 45 seconds of me staring at him before he realized that he had made a mistake.

This sort of thing went on for another year... I saw him from time to time... He had the same long-hair, part-down-the-middle hair-cut... Wore the same glasses... Was about the same height and body-type, etc... Finally, during my sophomore year, we passed each other in the hallway. After we passed each other, his friend who was with him at the time went, "dun dun DUN!" (like the scary, dramatic music cue).

Later that year, I was sitting at lunch with my buddy Anup and some other folks, when we saw my bizzaro across the dining hall. One of my friends made some comment about him.. Anup turns around and sees him and says "Oh him? Roland? I know him, he's cool!" After my friends made a few more "bizzaro" references, Anup goes "dammit, I'm going to put an end to this..." And gets up, walks over to Roland, drags him over to our table, introduces us, and says, "THERE! IT'S DONE! IT'S OVER!"

From that day forth, the awkwardness was over. He lives in Boston, actually. Strangely enough, his hair is now short... Kind of like mine....

...Dun dun DUN!!!


Saturday, December 18, 2004

Donuts & Solitaire?

I know it's been a stupid long time since I posted... and I don't have time to write something substantial just yet, but I had to share this story:

So y'know how police cars have those little laptops in them now? These things must be good for catching bad guys, or something, right? Well, I'm driving down the street the other day, and I stop at a stop light next to a cop car... I look over and what do you suppose I see the cop doing on his computer?

...That's right. He's playing solitaire.

Our tax money hard at work, people.


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Election Humor

A bit of humor...

While this election has made a lot of people depressed, it's somewhat reassuring that some of us can still have a bit of humor about the situation. The best comment I've heard so far regarding the outcome of the election is from my co-worker:

"It's like getting a dead puppy for Christmas."




Well, it's done, people. The election is over. At 1pm this afternoon, John Kerry will be giving his consession speech, and Bush will be declared the victor.

Y'know, I am not a huge political person. I was never really driven to vote for or argue or even care very much about politics... Until this year, that is. Now, I'm not about to rant and rave at Bush and his campaign... To be honest, I am speechless. My brain is having too much trouble trying to understand what more than half of the country thinks a leader is. I just don't get it. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say: I just can't believe it. This whole election has me feeling a great loss of faith in the intelligence and enlightenment of "we, the people". Or at least half of them. Ach... I can't even think straight.

But, before I sign off, allow me to quote the West Wing:

"A funny thing happened when the office [of the president] was demystified. It left the American people with the impression that anyone could do it."

Hope and pray, people.


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

To Kill a Mocking Chicken

C'mon, folks... This story is definitely for the birds. Or at least for the flightless fowls.

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday. It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

....... riiight.

"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."

I don't know what to say. I guess maybe "Count your chicken necks before you go and chop off your genitalia"?


Monday, October 04, 2004

Popping My White Castle Cherry

Ah, my poor, neglected journal.

This weekend, I had the ultimate pleasure of going to White Castle for the first time. Forget the fact that I had just stuffed myself with Korean food an hour prior to our excursion... This was White Castle, for pete's sake! I couldn't pass up the opportunity to lost my White Castle virginity.

All in all, I must say they were everything I could've hoped for in a 2.5-inch x 2.5 inch square of fast food goodness. My favorite conversation during the meal was Francis trying to convince Becky to try a cheeseburger:

Francis: Becky you have to try a cheeseburger.
Becky: Naw, I'm kinda full actually.
Francis: I will give you 59 cents if you go eat a cheeseburger!

(...sometime later...)

Francis: Becky, are you sure you don't want a cheeseburger? They're so great!
Becky: I don't really like cheese anyway--
Francis: This is NOT cheese!!

Between White Castle and the all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ joint we hit up on Friday night, this weekend was truly a culinary horn-o-plenty. mmm MM!


Thursday, August 05, 2004

Question of the Day

If you're bad during your life as mail, do you get reincarnated as spam?


Saturday, July 31, 2004

Who wins?

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth. "Love wins. Love always wins."

- quote from Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom