Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Spike's Junkyard Dogs -- Original Thayer St. Location to Close

September 28th is going to be a sad, sad day in Providence, RI... It is the day that the original Thayer St. Providence, RI location of Spike's Junkyard Dogs is closing its doors.

No longer will local college students be able to stumble along its chain-link fence partitions after a long night of beruit and flip cup, barely glancing at the menu (because they already know what they want... oh yes, they know...) before ordering a Big Dave's Deluxe, Texas Ranger, and/or a Chilli and Cheddar, then jockying for a space at one of the few booths or stools.

Spike's hot dogs are no ordinary hot dogs... The franks are big, fat, and 100% beef. Now, granted, hot dog franks are generally not terribly healthy for you. But as far as hot dogs go, Spike's is top notch. Their buns weren't your run-of-the-mill, thin, wimpy, buy-em-at-the-supermarket hot dog buns either. They were big, fresh-baked, and delicious.

If you've never had a Spike's dog before, allow me to assist you in comprehending the scope and majesty of the greatness that is Spike's. Imagine the best hot dog you've ever had. Except make it delicious. Then a little more delicious. At that point, your imaginary hot dog is about as tasty as a Spike's dog that's been dropped on the ground and pooped on. That's right. Your hot dog sucks compared to Spike's.

And don't give me this Crif Dog shit either... Eating a Crif Dog is like taking your pet pig (or pitbull) to the prom. You can dress it up any way you'd like, but when it comes down to it, you're still slow dancing with a pig. Eating a Spike's Junkyard Dog is like taking five supermodels to the prom who also happen to be Rhodes Scholars, have worked three years with Peace Corps, Americorps, AND the Marine Corps, and are totally freaky in the bedroom.

The one silver lining in all this is that the other 9 locations are going to remain open... For now. But they can't survive without your support! Go find your nearest Spike's and start eating hot dogs today!! (They even have vegetarian dogs for you non-meat-eaters!)

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Monday, September 08, 2008

Something's Not Quite Right Here...

Apparently, some nutjob broke into the home of 2 Fresno, CA farmworkers yesterday and stole some money.

Why is this so strange? After all, home invasion and theft isn't that uncommon. Ah yes, but 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez is no ordinary burglar. This guy took it upon himself to rub spices on one of the residents and then wacked the other one with an 8-inch sausage before he ran off.

...Yeah, take that one in for a second...

So, not only did this guy break into a house, rub spices on one of the sleeping inhabitants and slap the other guy with an 8-inch long kilbasa, but this dumbass left his wallet in the house! Why? Who knows... probably because he left his pants there as well?? He was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only a t-shirt, boxers and socks.


The only one who lucked out is the dog who found the giant piece of sausage after Vazquez chucked it while fleeing the scene.