Tuesday, March 27, 2007

NYU Student Profile

So a while back, I was asked by my school to submit this profile thingy. They said it might be posted up on the NYU website. The profile questions were kind of strange, and they asked for "lighthearted" answers. Well... It got posted! Hehe. Here it is:



A Lighthearted Story

An old man lived alone in the country.

He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie

Monday, March 05, 2007

Professor Fitterman: Fucking Insane

Some of you know who Professor Fitterman is. Some don't. But it doesn't matter. I'm sure after reading the following story, you will all agree that she is insane. Fucking insane. Don't believe me? Think I'm being harsh? Haha... Read on, my friends:

(Note: This all happened earlier tonight)

I got to Professor Fitterman’s Concert Management class around 7:00pm, roughly fifteen minutes late (stupid trains). We were taking the midterm exam that evening, so I hurried into class, picked up my exam and began working on it.

Around 7:45pm, I finished the exam and brought it to the front of the classroom. Professor Fitterman was answering another student’s question, so I left the exam on the desk in plain view, a foot away from where she was sitting. Since I had arrived late, I did not know if we were excused after finishing the exam so I walked out of the classroom to take a short break.

I checked my voicemail, sent a few text messages to my brother, and got a snack from the vending machine on the 5th floor. Wanting to give my fellow classmates the courtesy of finishing their exams without the sound of my eating, and knowing that Professor Fitterman does not allow eating in the classroom (what, are we in 5th grade?), I ate my Sun Chips in the hallway outside the classroom.

A few minutes later, after throwing away my trash, I went back into the classroom and walked to my desk. I then noticed that Eryn had finished her exam and was packing up her things to leave. Still unsure as to whether or not I could leave for the evening, I reached into my bag and grabbed a promotional copy of the CD that my record label was about to release and headed out after Eryn with the intention of showing it to her.

In the hallway, I walked up to Eryn and let her examine the CD and its jacket, explaining that I would give her a new, unwrapped copy soon. Our conversation was cut short, however, when I heard someone say in an angry whisper, “GUYS!”

I turned around to see Professor Fitterman, eyes blazing, walking out of the classroom. She then proceeded to scream at us. The following is what Eryn and I remember her saying. Now, it's not an exact word-for-word transcription, I assure you it is fairly accurate:

“GUYS! Are you FUCKING insane?! Talking to each other while the exam is still going on?? Cheating?! Now I’m going to have to rip up both of your exams and throw them in the trash!!”

That's right. My professor, a GRADUATE SCHOOL professor screamed at me and asked me if I was FUCKING INSANE. Needless to say, Eryn and I were both stunned at the sheer force and anger in Professor Fitterman’s voice (in other words, we were like "wtf, dude?"). In fact, neither of us really knew what was going on until Professor Fitterman said the word “cheating.” After her initial tirade, I, with a hint of defensiveness, explained that I had already turned in my exam. The professor claimed that she hadn’t seen me do so. I insisted that I had and that, in fact, my exam was underneath Eryn’s on the table next to where the professor had been sitting. Then, with a brisk and half-assed apology (something to the effect of "Oh. Sorry.") the professor walked back into the classroom.

There were numerous alternatives that Professor Fitterman should have considered and executed. The simplest and most fucking obvious option would have been to give me the benefit of the doubt and simply ask if I had turned in my exam! Or, I don't know, maybe she could've refrained from being an absolute LUNATIC and just walked up to us and calmly explained why she was concerned. But no. She instead had to yell and curse at us. Awesome.

So there you have it. This is why I feel perfectly justified calling my professor fucking insane.