Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Here's a pumkpin I carved this weekend:



-e

New Business: DessertTruck!

A friend of mine who goes to business school at Columbia forwarded me some info on a new business that's opening up tonight. It's called DessertTruck... Sounds like a great concept to me. It's pretty self-explanatory, but here's a note from one of the two founders of the company, Chris Chen:

For those who are unfamiliar with my company, DessertTruck is a new mobile food concept. Using great ingredients and the highest standards for execution, we bring desserts from the world of fine-dining into the realm of everyday enjoyment. At our mobile food truck, there's no bullshit, no pretension. Just really good desserts. Passion for food is our inspiration. But making people smile, one dessert at a time, is our ultimate goal.

DessertTruck will be opening on Tuesday night at 6PM. Our location is 8th St and University Place, accessible by the 1, A, B, C, D, E, F, V, R, W, and 6 trains.

A PDF of their opening menu can be found here. I've heard the creme brulee is excellent. Go get some dessert from a truck!

-e

How to Shotgun A Beer Bottle

Shotgunning, as many of us know, is a method of chugging a beer, whereby the chugger punches a hole in the side of a beer can, then cracks open the top and sucks down the beer. This is most effective when the hole is made towards the bottom of the can, which is then tilted "up" to it's normal orientation before opening the top of the can.

Recently at a after-work happy hour session, a co-worker informed me about a way to shotgun a beer from a bottle. Clearly, one cannot very well punch a hole in the side of a glass bottle. But, chugging a beer through the mouth of a bottle is difficult given a) the pressure differential created by sucking the beer out of the bottle or b) the relatively slow rate of beer drainage when one simply holds the bottle upside down.

Thus, there is a technique which, according to the omniscient Wikipedia, is known as "strawpedoing, bendy-straw, or shnorkelling." Wiki describes the process as such:

A bendy straw is inserted into the top of the bottle and the small end is bent down and held over the edge of the bottle. To drink, the mouth of the bottle and the elbow of the bendy straw is put in the mouth and upended. The bendy straw ensures a steady flow of air into the bottle, and the drink can therefore be consumed very quickly.

The Wikipedia article notes that people have actually innovated and elaborated upon this idea:

Devices have now been designed in order to both speed up and simplify the process of a strawpedo. The device consists of a large plastic tube with a smaller thinner tube inserted inside it. The large tube is placed over the top of the bottle and the beverage consumed similarly to a standard strawpedo. These are commonly known in the UK as bottle bongs or party shooters.

Who knew? It's really too bad I'm not in college anymore and don't often have to (or want to) shotgun beers. But this knowledge would definitely have come in handy several years ago. Oh well.

...But for those of you who might still be in need of a way to chug large quantities of beer from bottles, do take note.

-e

Coming Soon...?

So up in the small little town of Margaretville, NY, there is a movie theater... coming. Soon?


I don't really know what to make of this.

-e

Quote of the Day: Sleepwalking

Quote of the day:

I guess you can't really go too far if you're sleep walking... If you end up in India, you've been kidnapped.

- My co-worker, during a discussion on sleepwalking

Nickname Potential

According to Brad, my name "has some serious nickname potential." Allow Brad to demonstrate:

if you're sad: bluegene
if you move to a new place: newgene
if you get scared: boogene
if you're frustrated about something: stewgene
if you're drunk: brewgene
if you're getting it on with a chick: screwgene
if you smell: pewgene
if you're sick: flugene
if you just escaped from a dangerous situation: phewgene
if you're using the bathroom: poogene
if you're grossed out: ewgene
if you're involved in a multi-artist concert: lollapaloogene
if your apartment is cold in the wintertime: igloogene
if you're associated with a group whose mascot is a bear: baloogene
if something ain't quite right: askewgene
if you're doing something classically you: truegene

Ah Brad.

-e

Crazy Subway Person #2: Apparently, He's An Alien

I ran into this guy a while back... It was late at night, but there were still a bunch of people riding the trains at the time. This old-ish guy boards the train with one of those bobbly headbands on. Y'know, with the two springs with little styrofoam balls at each end? This should've been my first clue that this was no ordinary man. What sort of man was he? Well...

The second thing I noticed was that he was carrying around a saxophone. No idea where this cat got it, but my guess was that he's not a local musician looking for a little rehearsal. Mr. Crazy Person then proceeded to wrap his mouth all the way around the mouthpiece of the sax and blow. HARD. The squeal that came out of the sax was bad enough... But to make things more interesting (perhaps to add some melodic structure to his subway opus) he would then rapidly and randomly press all the keys on the body of the sax.

Of course, any sane (or conscious) person on the train at this point was staring at this madman and/or holding their hands over their ears. But the thing that made this guy absolutely certifiable was what he did in between blowing on his horn. That is, he'd stop just long enough to scream, "I'M AN ALIEN!!" or "THIS IS HOW I COMMUNICATE!!"



Yeah. There's not much else to this one.

-e

Quote of The Day: Natural Defenses

I wish I got scared and then became cool.

- My co-worker upon hearing that rats poop when they get scared

Crazy Subway Person #1: The Proselytizing Jamaican Guy

I see lots of crazy people on the subway. So I decided to write about them. Starting with this gem, the Proselytizing Jamaican Guy. Ahem...

This morning, some old Jamaican dude got on the train and starts preaching about God, Jesus, and about how if we don't believe in Him/Them, we're all going to Hell. Now, I have nothing against Jamaicans, nor do I have anything against old men. And I don't really have anything against Christianity, or those that practice it, for the most part.

But I REALLY have something against somenoe standing a foot away from me, preaching in a REALLY LOUD VOICE about how the day of JUDGEMENT is coming and how I'm going to HELL if I don't devote my life to Jesus... at 9 in the MORNING on my WAY TO WORK.

I'm a nice person. I like people. And in general, I like that people have the right to say and believe whatever they damn well please. Go America. But despite my general good natured tendencies, vivid visions of the following scenarios unfolded in my head during my, normally peaceful, commute:

a) I turn around and punched the old bastard in the face, evoking, at first, gasps of surprise from the occupants of the subway car, followed quickly by thunderous applause.

b) When the train makes its next stop, I casually grab the back of his jacket and walk him, firmly, to the threshold of the train car. I then politely throw him out onto the platform. Again, the gasps and applause would follow.

c) During one of his emphatic rants about how Hell is very, very, very, very, very bad, I would raise my hand and ask, in a rather obnoxious and asinine manner, "Um, excuse me? Crazy man? I have a question: how bad is Hell? Very? Or 'very very'? I wasn't clear on that last part. Can you be more specific?" Train car denizens would chuckle at my satirical wit.

d) But what I really wanted, with all my heart, was for some random occurance to cause him to shut up. For instance, the train stops suddenly, sending him tumbling forward, bringing an end to his incessant jabbering. I'd see this happen and without hesitating I'd scream, "THANK GOD!" The train would then erupt in laughter and applause and I'd exit the car with a smug, asshole-ish smile on my face.

Why did I feel completely justified in imagining these things? Yes, the guy's annoying, but really, did he do anything to harm me? No. But, I'm willing to bet that if God really does exist, I'm sure he realizes that the worst time to try to convince someone he's the Lord and Savior is during rush hour on a crowded New York subway car. And I can't imagine he's super happy that this insane person is representing him, either.

-e

In honor of Friday...

I give you... The original dancing banana:

Power Thirst: It's Crystal Meth in a Can

I normally don't post stuff like this. But this had me laughing for about 5 minutes straight. My co-workers thought I was crazy. Enjoy!



-e

Shanghai Kiss

Apparently there's this movie called Shanghai Kiss that came out on DVD recently. I think it might've been a straight-to-DVD thing, but regardless, it looks good for a few reasons:

1) It's got an Asian American dude in the lead role (Ken Leung)
2) Ken stars opposite Hayden Panettiere, who plays his love interest
3) Ken's character Liam has a SECOND love interest, played by none other than Kelly Hu
4) See #2 and #3
5) See #1

So that about sums it up. Check the trailer here.

And, if you're really interested, buy it on Amazon.

A Poem

I don't normally post things like this, but this piece really struck a chord with me.

---------------------------

Tomorrow
by David Budbill

Tomorrow
we are
bones and ash,
the roots of weeds
poking through
our skulls.

Today,
simple clothes,
empty mind,
full stomach,
alive, aware,
right here,
right now.

Drunk on music,
who needs wine?

Come on,
Sweetheart,
let's go dancing
while we've
still got feet.

Hobby: Creating Facebook Groups

Yeah, it's true. Check them out:

Whatever - A group for that "bleh, whatever" feeling.

Hi, My Name Is _______ And I'm An Apple Slut - I've called myself an Apple Slut for quite some time. I figured maybe there were some others out there that felt similarly.

For every person that joins, I will donate $.1 to the victims of Trogdor - A tribute to one of the greatest Internet cartoons ever.

Don't Ask Me... Just Google It! - I'm just sick of people asking me for information that could be very easily obtained online. This, of course, only applies to those that are sitting in front of a computer at the time. I'm more than happy to be an internet proxy for my friends when they are in a bind.

I Love Spike's Junkyard Dogs - Beacuse I do. And you should too.

Born In Chinese - This one's dedicated to my record label, Born In Chinese.

So there you have it.

-e

10 Things I Learned This Weekend

I learned a few things this weekend. Please allow me to share them with you:

1) Don't go apple picking at Wilkens Fruit & Fir Farm up in Yorktown Heights, NY. Their orchards are small, the selection blows, it's very disorganized, and they are grumpy bitches. We were told they charge by the pound... Then when we went to pay for our apples (we had very few due to the poor selection) we were told that we must've heard wrong (great customer service technique, btw), and that they actually charge you $13 for anything equal to or less than a half bag. Anything over that is $23, up to a full bag. I only had a quarter-full bag, so you could imagine I was a little peeved. We found it kind of difficult to believe that 7 intelligent people ALL heard wrong, but whatever. The cashier's defense? They have signs that say differently. That's great, but when an actual person that works at the orchard tells me something, I'm going to assume she knows what she's talking about. Their cider donuts are pretty good, but it's definitely not worth it to have to put up with bitchy 16-year old cashiers that need a good ass-kicking. Save yourself the trouble and go elsewhere.

2) Apple picking is WAY more fun with an old man in a shack that tells you where all the best apples are.

3) Bees really like apple cider. And cider donuts.

4) Apple cider is apparently difficult to make. But mulled cider isn't (provided you already have the cider).

5) Planet Earth is one of the best nature series ever created. You really should watch it.

6) There is a lake in Africa that's 700 meters deep.

7) 1 in 10 people who try to surmount Mt. Everest die trying.

8) Penguins in Antarctica sit around in a giant huddle in -70 degree Celsius weather with no sun, no food, and no water for 4 months. And you thought our winters were bad.

9) Martin Sexton is coming to NYC! And I have tickets. Huzzah!

10) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will almost always make me tear up. That's right. I'm not afraid to say it. I mean, c'mon. How often do you see people doing amazingly nice things for amazingly nice people on TV?

-e