Have We Gone Too Far? ...Nahhh.

Most people realize by now that one of the most lucrative markets to be in is the iPod accessories market. As a result, some very interesting products have popped up over the last few years. But none, as far as I can tell, are quite as useless/hilarious as the iPanty.

That's right, folks. The iPanty. I came across this lovely little item while reading last week's Billboard Magazine. It's being sold on thesexysociety.com... Says the website:

So techie chic! Perfect for those of us who love to lounge around in sexy undies all day AND have our music! Black lace panty with pink ribbon and removable pocket to hold iPod nano, money or other small personal items. Comes giftboxed and ready to give -- or receive ;-)

Yipe. So basically, this is for all the Paris Hilton wannabes who don't actually have a party to go to... or a DUI to receive. Awesome. What's next? The iBoxers? "For the man who refuses to wear pants in the house... But still wants his Nano near his Neener!"

But hey... If the public's incessant need to have their iPod on them at all times means we get too see more of this nice lady here:

...Then I'm all for it!

----------------------------

In other news, the Super Mario Bros. theme song has been the #1 downloaded ringtone for NINETY-EIGHT WEEKS!!!

Jeez. I bet that guy is kicking himself for not securing himself some rights.

-e

Best Album Title of the Day

Best Album Title of the Day:

"Oy to the World: A Klezmer Christmas"


hehe.

-e

Humans + Aliens = ...Asians?

This is the funniest thing I've heard in quite some time... So Vyuz.com recently published a rather interesting article. Apparently, this kook named David Reynolds, who is a professor and web master at Unarius Academy of Science in El Cajon, CA believes that Asians are a result of interbreeding between aboriginal Earthlings from half a million years ago and--get this-- aliens. Martians, to be exact:

According to Reynolds, the Asian race is a result of Martian and aboriginal Earthlings interbreeding more than half a million years ago.

Reynolds says the Martians came to Earth long ago with the intent to colonize and relocate from their home on Mars, but were confronted by the angry aboriginal earthlings in the Gobi desert before they could stake their claim. The earthlings were too much for the Martians to handle and, although they had more advanced ray guns, the Martians ended up surrendering because they don’t believe in war.

“They knew if they (the Martians) shot, it would set back their own spiritual plan,” Reynolds explained.

Wait... So we not only decended from Martians, but Martian monks? Awesome! Let's continue...

Eventually the Martians and Aboriginals started getting busy together and over the years the offspring turned into today’s vast Asian population.

Reynolds says pure blood Martians are still on Mars waiting for the right time to make themselves known to the human race.

“They don’t want us snooping around,” he said. “They’ve camouflaged the openings on the surface because they don’t want to be bothered.”

Isn't that what those weird science guys did on Lost? Hmm...

Instead, they are hard at work advancing their own race and have tried to make contact with Earthlings for centuries now but are afraid of getting shot once they enter the Earth’s atmosphere.

Reynolds says the government knows that the Martians have been trying to make contact but want to keep it a secret because it would “cause people to not have a spiritual foundation” and throw everything into chaos.

Yes... cause people to not have a spiritual foundation. Right. Who gave this guy his degree??!

Martians aren’t the only ones trying to make contact, there are more than 30 other planets composed of “aliens that look like you and me” in the “Confederation” that want to make contact but are too advanced for the human race to understand.

Instead, they are waiting for us to catch up both technologically and spiritually before they make their presence known to everyone.

“Right now we are too hostile a race,” Reynolds points out. “We need to be open to our ‘space brothers’ who know we are going through a painful transition right now.”

Methinks "Professor" Reynolds has been watching a little too much Star Trek. However, the idea that I could be the long lost cousin of some Martian kid is kind of cool, I guess...

...Wait a minute. What the fuck! This dude is crazy.

Your Martian half-blood,

-e

Best Album/Song Title of the Day

Artist: Screamin’ Jay Hawkins

Album: Black music for white people

Song: Ignant and Shit


...Awesome.


-e

RIP Crocodile Hunter!

Oh man... One of the world's most famous Aussies died! Steve Irwin, aka "The Crocodile Hunter," died while swimming around with a giant stingray off the coast of Cairns, Australia (the Great Barrier Reef, basically). Says Yahoo News:

Irwin was at Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest" when he swam too close to one of the animals, which have a poisonous barb on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said.

"He came on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole into his heart," said Stainton, who was on board Irwin's boat at the time.


Apparently, Irwin's death was partially just bad luck:

Stingrays have a serrated, toxin-loaded barb, or spine, on the top of their tail. The barb, which can be up to 10 inches long, flexes if a ray is frightened. Stings usually occur to people when they step on or swim too close to a ray and can be excruciatingly painful but are rarely fatal, said University of Queensland marine neuroscientist Shaun Collin.

Collin said he suspected Irwin died because the barb pierced under his ribcage and directly into his heart.

"It was extraordinarily bad luck. It's not easy to get spined by a stingray and to be killed by one is very rare," Collin said.

Either way, I'm sure much of the world will miss that crazy Croc Hunter!

-e

Rain Rain (and Loud Neighbors) Go Away...

Rainy Saturdays are just lame. Rainy Sundays? Now that's okay. After all, Sundays are meant for lazing about inside, or perhaps a movie. But Saturday? That's a day that should be reserved for outdoor activity, seeing friends, and going out. Bleh.

Anyhow, this morning, I had the pleasure (or displeasure) of waking up not once, not twice, but THREE times. First at 6am, then 10am, then finally I rolled out of bed around 11:45am. Now, the thing that's interesting about this is the method by which I was woken up the first two times. That is, my neighbors. Who were having sex. Loudly.

The back of my apartment features a nice little "porch" or fire escape area, just big enough to have a few people sit outside and smoke cigars (or what have you). This general rear area of my apartment building is basically a long, narrow alleyway, made of brick and concrete. These conditions make it really, really easy to hear what's going on outside and, in this case, in the surrounding apartments (if their windows are open).

Apparently, my neighbors were feeling rather randy early this morning. Maybe the sunrise gave "rise" to something else? Who knows. Who cares. The fact is, it did, they did, and I was awake way too early.

Grumpily yours,

-e

In Memory of Mitch

Mitch Hedberg once said, "I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"

The other week, I was at the Barnes & Nobles bookstore in Union Square when I came upon this sign:



It made me happy and sad at the same time. Here's to the great Mitch Hedberg!

-e

US Open!

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending the first day of the 2006 US Open. Jackie's relative had some connections to the tournament and scored a few tickets, one of which Jackie generously gave to me :)

I realized while waiting in the gigantic line outside the USTA complex that this event was the first major sporting event that I had ever been to. I'd never been to any World Series game, or Superbowl, or whatever. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I'm not a HUGE fan of any of these sports in particular. But needless to say, I was feeling pretty excited to even be at such a big tournament.

In general, the matches we saw that first day were, as could've been expected, rather lopsided. The first match of the day was between Justine Henin-Hardenne (BEL) Maria Elena Camerin (ITA). Henin-Hardenne took the match 6-1, 6-2.



Up next was Andy Roddick (USA) vs. Florent Serra (FRA). Roddick was relentless... It was clear from the first game that Serra was no match for Roddick's 148 mph serves or his super intense mental game. Poor Serra was broken by the second set and Roddick ended up taking the match 6-2, 6-1, 6-3. But much to my chagrin, Roddick turned out to be just as big of an ass as everyone said he was. During the last set, despite the fact that he was clearly about to win the match, he started bitching and moaning to the line judges about their calls. Then after winning the match, he skipped about half of the kids waiting on the side of the court for his autograph (which, by the way, consisted of little more than Roddick gripping the marker with his whole fist, scratching it back and forth on their tennis ball, and not even looking at the wide-eyed kid whose ball he was signing). Class act, that Roddick. Class act.

Anyhow, the last match of the day was between the venerable Lindsay Davenport (USA) and relative newcomer Klara Zakopalova (CZE). At 6'2", Davenport towered over the seemingly tiny Zakopalova (who is 5'5"). Time after time, Zakapalova's racket would whack the ground as she lunged, unsuccessfully, after Davenport's serves. The first set was a joke, pretty much. It looked like the 24-year old Czech player was making a bit of a comeback during the second set... but my theory is that Davenport was just giving her a little more playing time before ending it. A kind gesture, if it was indeed the case. And if not, then kudos to Zakapalova for putting up a good fight!

Sadly, we did not get to see Andre Agassi's super dramatic match against Pavel, since our tickets were only for the day matches. It's too bad I won't get to see Agassi play at the US Open ever again! But all in all, I'm really glad I got to go. Now I want to learn how to play tennis :)

-e

Don't Download This Song

Every once in a while, a song comes along that will change the face of the music industry-- nay... the entire world.

...This song, however, is not that song.

Instead, this song is just f-ing hilarious. Yet another brilliant protrusion from the spiny genius of Weird Al Yankovic's mind.

Don't Download This Song!


Awesome.

-e

Laundromats Are Expensive

This may seem like a no-brainer to most people, but JEBUS, these laundromats are expensive! I normally don't use them, since I"m lucky enough to have a brother that lives close by and has a washer/dryer in his apartment. But enough about that...

In other news, J & E and I were recently featured in the NYU Music Business online newsletter, The Showcase. It features a not-all-that-great-looking-picture of yours truly. You can check the article here.

Alright... Back to the laundromat. Whee!

-e

A whole new blog

As many of you know, I kept a travel blog this summer while I was in Australia and Korea. And besides having a nice record of my adventures abroad, I also remembered why I started blogging in the first place. It's the same reason why I created my own website back in college. Basically, it's because I like blogging! (Yes, I know, a HUGE stretch of the imagination).

Anyhow, first, an explanation of the title of the blog. My personal website (v3.0) is currently dedicated to my fledgling music career. However, before that, eugenesong.com (v2.x) used to be more about myself, my friends, family and other interests.... and, as you can guess, it was called hugeTHOUGHTS. Thus, I've brought the name out of retirement. Ta-da!

And second... well... Okay, I don't have a "second" right now. This was just the innaugural post to get this new blog going. So, with that, I'm going to sign off. I hope you check back again soon!

later,

-e

Memoirs of a Showgir-- I mean, Geisha

In this week's Village Voice, Dennis Lim reviews Rob Marshall's Memoirs of a Geisha. And man, it isn't pretty...

...But it is really, really funny.

Some favorite quotes:

"The movie version of Golden's bestseller, from the director of Chicago, comes up with a new angle: In this garish pageant of dragon-lady vamping and drag-queen catfights, the geisha experience is roughly akin to working the bar at Lucky Cheng's."

"Swaddled in the posh vulgarity that passes for awards-season elegance, Memoirs is deluxe orientalist kitsch, a would-be cross between Showgirls and Raise the Red Lantern, too dumb to cause offense though falling short of the oblivious abandon that could have vaulted it into high camp."

"Rob Marshall's movie is something of a lip-synch disaster: Chinese actresses play Japanese geisha (in a period concurrent with the Sino-Japanese war) and speak English the way Hollywood has always imagined Asians do, all stilted syntax and awkward enunciations ("You are! To become! Geisha!")."

"Sold into an okiya in childhood, mysteriously blue-eyed Sayuri (Ziyi Zhang), often shot through bars and slats in case we fail to grasp her caged condition, longs to escape servitude—to become! geisha!—which she does under the tutelage of the kindly Mameha (Michelle Yeoh)..."

"And in the scheme of this movie, which dispenses with pesky World War II in one or two sonorous voiceover lines, what Sayuri wants, Sayuri gets."

"With Marshall preoccupied picking out fabrics and lacquer veneers, the task of directing the actors seems to have fallen to the beleaguered dialect coach. To complement the clashing accents, Memoirs is a free-for-all of wildly divergent acting styles. Zhang's phonetic struggles are the most (mis)pronounced, but she throws herself heartily into the film's hilariously anachronistic big number, a splashy expressionist routine on platform clogs that would have cleaned up on So You Think You Can Dance?"

"Clad in chinchilla-fringed outfits and hurling sidelong death glares, Gong's viperous Hatsumomo wipes the floor with Zhang's cowering Sayuri: "I shall destroy you!" she hisses in the most Showgirls-like scene."

He compares it, twice, to Showgirls. 'Nuff said.

-e

Second-Hand Cabin Depressurization

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court Monday that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette.

Wow....

She walked toward one of the aircraft's emergency exits with an unlit cigarette and a lighter in her hand and began tampering with the door, prosecutors said. But a flight attendant intervened and took Sellies back to her seat.

It's a good thing she wasn't in an emergency exit row.

Defense lawyer Helen Shilton told the court Sellies was terrified of flying and had taken sleeping tablets with alcohol before takeoff.

I hear sleeping pills and alcohol go real well together. Kind of like cocaine and Drano.

Shilton said Sellies has no memory of what happened on the flight and that she has a history of sleepwalking.

Sleepwalking?! This just gets worse and worse...

But Magistrate Gordon Dean sternly warned the woman: "You must understand, if you are on a plane you must behave yourself."

Yes! And that means no touchie the cabin door while on Unisom and Jack Daniels!

Sellies, who did not speak in court and was aided by a translator, was placed on a 1,000 Australian dollar (US$734; euro623) bond -- meaning she will have to pay that amount if she commits another offense in the next 12 months.

Someone please tell me that this woman isn't going to ever get on another plane ever in her entire (or at least my entire) life!

-e

Bush Thwarted by Locked Doors

Our favorite funnyman, George W. Bush, embarrassed himself and our country once again yesterday as he tried to dart out of a press conference after being told by a reporter that he seemed unenthusiastic and a little "off his game."


"Holy Jeebers, Batman! This must be some sort of high-tech security force field..."

Elevator Karma

On my way from my cubicle to the elevator today, I sighed to myself and thought "well, the workday is done, but now I have to sit and wait for this stupid elevator."

See, the elevator in our building is notoriously slow. But on top of that, it teases you into thinking that it's actually coming by groaning and grunting the way most elevators do when they are coming up to meet you. But nooo... this one still takes for-frickin'-ever to get anywhere.

So, I hit the "down" button and, lo and behold, I heard a *ding* and the elevator doors slid open! The warm and inviting elevator car was just sitting there, waiting for me to get in... It was as if it was saying "C'mon, Eugene! You get a free ride today! And ice cream!"

Despite the fact that there was no ice cream in sight, I decided that, for once, the elevator gods had decided to take some pity on me. I had paid my dues, and made my offerings. And it was time to collect. So I took my quick, wait-free ride down to the first floor, and headed off to the library.

Yes, today was a good day.

-e

How hard is it to wrap a sub?!

Okay, so today I decided to try something new. Instead of gorging myself on delicious NYC pizza, I went for a healthier option and walked over to Subway instead.

I ordered a Oriental Chinky Chinaman Chicken Onion something-er-other sandwich to go... Now, before I go on, I want to make it known that, having worked in a few food service establishments, I feel somewhat justified criticising stupidity at other food services establishments... if for no other reason than, well, i know I can do a better job, and I have in the past.

Alright... so I walk back to my office and sit down at my desk, very hungry and looking forward to eating my Far East Kung Fu Chicken Sandwich with extra Slanty Eye Terriaki Sauce... I put the bag down on my desk, only to notice there's a weird bulge at the bottom.

"Gee, I think to myself, what could this be? Did my Chinaman try to escape my hungry mandibles?"

Well, long story short, the incompetent Subway worker managed to wrap my sandwich in exactly the wrong way, as to allow all the sandwich contents to spill out of the roll and collect at the bottom of my bag. I had to pick up all the pieces of my Bucktoothed Laundromat-Owning, Supermarket-Running, SARS-Contracting Chicken sandwich and drop them back into my whole wheat roll.

I mean, how hard is it to wrap a sandwich so that the innards don't leak out??

THAT's what I get for being healthy!! Gah!!

-e

In with the new, out with the old...

So... to recap the last couple of months:

- I bid farewell to my home of three years, Boston, MA and trucked all my stuff home to NJ (temporarily, as I will explain later).

- My family and I took a trip out to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and the Navajo Indian Reservation. It was our first family outing in probably 8 years! Took lots of photos.

- Had one day of rest at home before flying down to New Orleans to attend the wedding of my good friends Brad and Liz. Found out the true value of "Hand Grenades." Took a ton of great photos.

- Had one more day of rest at home before flying out to Europe with Linds. We hit Amsterdam, Geneva, Venice, Florence, Rome, Vernazza, Barcelona, Granada, Madrid and Paris! Met up with many friends (Alok, Alex, Mike, Jen, Kristen), made some new ones, and generally had a fantastic time. We ate more than our fill of mouth-watering food, took in some awe-inspiring sights, and bought some neat-o gifts. Took 1.5 gigs of photos. For more on this, for now, see our travel blog.

- Came back to NJ to rest and recover from all my travels... only to find that my hard drive had died. Luckily, this happened before I uploaded all our photos from Europe... but also happened before I backed up any of my photos from our family trip or Brad/Liz's wedding. I was not pleased.

- Ordered a new hard drive to replace the broken one... And finally made a purchase I had been waiting a whole year to make: I bought myself a shiny new 15-inch Powerbook! ...oh, and it didn't hurt that a shiny new iPod mini came with it (I love being a student).

- Ah yes, I almost forgot... Soon, I will leave home once again, but this time with most of my stuff, and move over to Brooklyn, NY, where I will spend at least the next two years while attending grad school at NYU. Rock on.

Phew... Anyhow, hopefully I'll get those Europe photos up soon. And with some luck (alright, a whole lotta luck) I might be able to resurrect some files/photos from my dearly (mostly) departed hard drive. Meanwhile, I will be relaxing, getting back into some sort of shape, playing ultimate, and maybe (just maybe) recording some music.

later,

-e

Showered with... Pastries?

Today marks the end of an era for me. It was my last day of employment at Golden Cage Music. My employment there has been interesting. It's been... well... quite a ride. Working there can be quite stressful at times and the rewards are not always tangible (or even recognizable, at the time). I fully expected to walk out of there cheering and jumping for joy, like I'd just won some weird one-and-a-half year long marathon.

But instead, there was a strange sense of calm... It first hit me earlier this week, when I realized this was my last week at work. That was significant not necessarily because it signaled the end of my employment there, but the beginning of the next two years of my life.

My day began like most others: I got up, showered, ate, and drove to work. Within the first half hour, I was given a blueberry coffee cake, 4 of my favorite muffins from the local coffee shop (cinnamon apple spice.. yum) and a decaf coffee (by my request). I was showered with pastries. It was great.

Tonight, my Boston friends and I will gather to eat barbeque and then go out to karaoke. A fitting end to what has been a pretty great day so far, I'd say.

-e

Almost there...

So many interesting things will be happening in the next few months... My last day at work is in a week. Then I'll be moving from Boston back home... from where I will be traveling to Arizona for a week, New Orleans for 4 days, and then Europe for a whole month! Then it's back home to relax and write/record some music... Then in September, I'll be moving to NYC to start grad school at NYU's music business masters program.

The anticipation is killing me!

-e

Better Late Than...?

"The first lady raises a valid point. Since it would take years for stem cell research to find a cure for Alzheimer's, why start? It makes no sense. If you can only save people eventually, you're really doing a disservice."

--Jon Stewart, on Laura Bush's claim that embryonic stem cell research is too preliminary and gives people false hope